Friday, December 22, 2006 . 11:47 AM
been reading up alot on Sylvia Plath onlinethink it's a bit of a ritual nowadays that at work im on both the PEAK and some poetry website. strange balm for the soul but i guess it works. i feel better already
Here is a collection of suggested poems: (http://www.angelfire.com/tn/plath)
~Mad Girl's Love Song
~Lament
~Dialogue between Ghost and Preist
~Daddy
~The Other Two
~Monologue at 3am
Here is one of the poems:
::Monologue at 3 AM:: by Sylvia Plath
Better that every fiber crack
and fury make head,
blood drenching vivid couch, carpet, floor
and the snake-figured almanac vouching you are
a million green counties from here,
than to sit mute,
twitching so
under prickling stars,
with stare, with curse blackening the time
goodbyes were said, trains let go,
and I, great magnanimous fool, thus wrenched from
my one kingdom.
think the poem is rather apt. the words make me recall the past and fear the future. i feel bit lost reading it. lost cause i know excately what it means and how it feels being "wrenched from my one kingdom". i think i get it .
past few days have been going rather poorly. actually i think BADLY is a better word.the rain brought with it the eecky rush hours/ the mad last min pile of people in suffocating town/it brought hell hall games/the flu so the party was still packed but some went mia/boredom aand super restlessness/mad tv moving atmospheres/lousy tempers/and me being a little edgy everyday.
sudden thought: marie told me about the new harry potter book title
harry potter and the deathly hallows
doesn't really sound promising but yeah i want the book anyway when its out.
xmas eve came and went
today is xmas.
im not too sure how i feel about that. about this day. about this time. about everyone around me. about the xmas spirit. about the parties, about the ktv sessions, about presents, about logs cakes and xmas turkey, about giving and receieving. all of the above and beyond
i think i almost hate xmas
everywhere everyone seems to have someone. its a sinking feeling i get when im around and even at the family dinner everyone is paired off except me. did not know how to feel about that either. i think because of you i've forgotten how to deal with much things well anymore. so now i hate the hustle and bustle and i choose to stay home. i declined the party with my sis and the smu gang. i declined the ktv which rocky asked me to. i stayed home and rot.
>>all those words took me a few weeks to type.
today is 29/12/06
3rd last day of 2006.
perphaps im secretly doing a countdown in my head. perphaps i just work too much so now i actually keep track of the days that matter. those that don't i forget all over again.maybe.
so many things happened lately that i couldn't keep track of it all.
i remember watching the carol singers bombarding town. everyday trying to walk through the wisma stretch was super duper trying it got worse with the xmas rush and the RAIN. i remember weird things. like i saw one of those carol singers wearing an angel costume scratching his butt in town. i remember how the rain soaked my jeans up to my knees and how gross it felt. i remember running through the rain with you. and now i rather not remember anymore cause i feel old all over again simply typing all this.
so i shall stop.
too many bad things all piling up ending this horrid year
i pray the 2007 is much better. im glad the year is ending. no plans as yet how it shall be celebrated. maybe i shall dig myself out of the hole i created for myself.marie my now rather good friend and bitching pal at JGC and i are still trying to figure out our new year resolutions. i think its scarey cause everytime i try and be resolved about certain issues i take a few steps forward only to fall back. at least i know im not alone. so does marie.
so am i allowed to make resolutions like :
thou shalt not fall back into thy old self misery ?
i have forgotten my independence that i found in melb
i have forgotten what's it like to be just me
i have forgotten school and how it feels
i have forgotten to feel young
but of all things i have forgotten
you're not on that list
i think the way i have styled myself is destroying the present me more then i am willing to admit
so i guess its only online i want to confess
and now without anyone present and nobody cares i want to ask you to forgive me of my crime for not being there. for all the times i was not around to pick you up. for being like ice when you were talking to me. for walking away everytime i had gotten so mad.for being drunk on too many occassions. and for hurting you through and through
and when that phone call comes
i have re-constructed myself all over agian
[Thoughts]: oh by the way, i forgot to say i hate you
