woke up suddenly sad not sure why excately.

SOMETHING TO CHEW ON:

was musing in bed over how there are certain people in our lives which we could do nearly anything for. walk on water, cross over hot coals, get burned and scarred for..etc. the works. those are the same people who are able to brighten up any gloomy grey day. i always thought of those type "A" people as dangerous and scarey. their day equals your day. their mood gives you your mood. when their up you are up. the worst is when they are down, they drive you into hell with them. when they call you rush to the phone with a breathless "hello, yup im free". i hate the type. they drive me mad. the funny thing about these type "A"s is you can't live with or without them.

the there are the type "B" those who you see regularly , be at a monotonous constant happy with. neither causing you to lose your mind, go crazy, nor freak out when mad. the type "B"s are the de-regulars which are there for you and live and laugh with you through most things. and you NEED these type "B"s as many as possible actually. they are in what lay-man terms called the good friends and the best buds. the bunch that pick you up when your down on the floor.

i thank god for my friends too.

then there are the type "C"s. those fleeting people walking by you in sch. stopping to say hi, but you never really feel they are important enough to strike up full converstations with. "oh hi.. how are you? yeah. hows___? okie see you around!" yeah those worth only 2mins of your of hi-s and byes. they are what is called the distant aquintances. good enough for a show of your popularity with the world. if they died its not a big loss. erm is it?

ever wonder what is the percentage of the various types of people in your life? think about this then. something to chew on. from me to you

[headmusic]: it might be you by kai

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 . 11:26 PM

you're my new found jelousy

[thoughts]: "better fuck me"aka butter factory anyone? all phoomba's fault (stupid grace...grrrrr)

Monday, August 14, 2006 . 1:09 PM

::I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...::

in pain now
i sprained my back. old injury back agian. horrid cause i feel slightly like some invalid in my semi-paralysis. *sigh

no one is home now
mom took the maid and uncle d to the new house. cleaning up the place and left me and crystal here. crystal looks bit sad the house is kinda empty. leo is coming over later after her lunch with her mom. didnt want to leave crystal home alone we plan to walk crystal to town with us. realise crystal has never been home alone. didn't want her to cry like what bobbi use to do..hmmm .. my stupid back hurts but i think i rather brave the walk then let her start crying

most days starting this week will be days off work
but i'll prolly be glued at home or at the new place. pack up is madness. yesterday i picked out a box full of clothes i don't want.

i never thought cleaning out my closet could be sentimental .. but ya know what?
it is.
really

think im compulsive
i realised that i actually clothes hoard (big surprise there huhh ..-_-")
felt sad looking back at old clothes i foound stashed away. like those "ah lian" day clothes, small size shirts which i could actually fit in 1000000000000000000 years back, baggy jeans i use to wear while bumming in town from secondary school days. o man .. sad im selling / giving them away.

im being silly

[headmusic]:where'd you go by fort minor
[thoughts]: i'd rather walk through the rain with you, than to walk in the sunshine alone

Sunday, August 13, 2006 . 3:54 PM

LEO'S BDAY PARTIES PICS: random snapshots
HAPPY 21ST GIRL!~

@rouge:me , leo and vee! (vee with her new haircut which she hates. i thought she looks great all the same)


@rouge: the babes chillin out to doulgas O and his band.


@rouge: me trying to play pool while mr rocky rubs his eyes. see the look of concentration? haaa... who on earth took this shot of me!!! fess up ... my god .. i look stoned. anyway. i lost by the black ball.edert rocky.hee


@doubleO: action paction pic. haaa..


@doubleO: i look like im falling asleep. o man. when i saw the pics i thought the leo's fren look bit like me. in reality no.


@doubleO: i very very horrid pic of Cynthia Khamlani.hahahahahahaha.. this is the after work effect. girl haa so AC:) hehee. as for me, rnb overdose. tsktsk

havent blogged for a bit.
its been rainy since the start of this week.

note: i so so so so so HATE chantel
she really does kill me. she loves to kp me when im late and screw up alot of things. i don't know why i succumb to such shit. im tired.

i've been packing up
my stuff toys(except a few i want to hand carry) and clothes. half sorting some for fleamarkets and the other to keep.going semi-mad sorting thru all the stuff. especially the clothes. think i'll take years.. and YES!! I GOT MY BID FOR THE LIME FLEAMARKET!! yippeeeee.... :) havent make payment yet. shall go down soon to do just that.

my days are slowing down...
im leaving work behind ..s.l.o.w.l.y so i get more time at home with the packing.
my mum said the move will happen in 2 shifts. on the 21 and 26(BIG ITEMS:furniture etc ). before those dates other stuff(SMALL BOXES:clothes, tables, chairs) will be shifted during the upcoming week all the way till everything is settled. sounds crazy . i feel massive dread of sleepless nites. weird dressing. messy housing etc all piling in ..

thinking about it
i want to sleep

shout outs:

everyone: anyone free to help me move PLZZZZZ tell me.

lit: you edert girl ktv!! -_-"

leo: oh my GOD

sexy: robbie williams? hmmmmmmmmmmm..... lemme check first and get back k

dandan: everyone thinks you are damn damn shameless. i agree. totally

min: hey sexxy boi, ya going nation? *winks

chowz: wru? don't drink so much already! only make me worry ... *sighz

[headmusic]: star 69 by fatboy slim (my my my ... old skool)
[thoughts]: perphaps you could be the cure to my self inflictions

Thursday, August 10, 2006 . 11:52 AM

its been raining the past 2 nights

nothing good really happens when it rains. and i .. well i woke up to the sound of it.started to wonder if bobbi's up there crying cause he didn't get his fav chicken drumstick. and yeah the rain pretty much started since his birthday. supersitious? who me? nahh ..

worked on national day.

yes. i worked. no lousy thing as a cafe shutting on national day. people still have to eat and we have to serve. kinda funny cause i worked morning and afternoon shift.omg i was so so tired finally plonked down in the bed at 9pm!i feel old.

later have like a 3-4 hour stretch of tution and yesh, dance class.eww :(

going thru the book school for scandal for tution later. havent really finished but the book is really really quite funny:

"so strong , so swift , the monster there's no gagging: Cut Scandal's head off, still the tongue is wagging." sweet .so would i.

Here's something from me~

::ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY::

Me talk pretty one day;

lend me your ears then

i'll make the world spin with

what you want.

[headmusic]: when i'm gone by three doors down

[thoughts]: dandan really is rather sweet. shock shock horror horror!

ps:never work morning shift ever again. too freaking tired kinda sets me back for two days. i missed a very important call. and im upset. sometimes things only happen once

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 . 3:42 AM

its raining..

and i got caught in the rain
silly things like this break my heart

things to note:
~never play truth or dare jenga ever again
~ALWAYS charge hp before it dies on crucial moments
~i hate drunk smses its hurts
~drinks contain depressants which make you sadder than you really are
~i should have just gone long ago
~rocky offered me a drink called "SORROW" I told him i had enough of that
~sometimes telling you how much i want you around and wishing you'd listen really is the hardest thing to accomplish. either you don't listen, i don't dare to tell you, or i went to read a book instead and shut up. diversion at its best.
~i fucking hate myself
~quantas is a motherfucking airline
~who is bringing me home? i thank god for great friends
~i forgot to remove my little black heart
~girlie= eyeliner, ribbons, fluffy dresses and killer heels.
~i need to stop being niam by CK..erm... cynthia to work!
~leo has a friend who looks like me ! omg... -_-" darn scarey
~there are certain people in life i'd walk over burning hot coal for. any day. any time.
~miss a is being pissy with me. look ! i am bz for freak sake
~what are anniversaries?
~bobbi :happy birthday boy. i really miss you. crystal i love. but you i'd never ever forget. i owe you a chicken leg today. you are just not here to get it. i really am sad... i wish ya here. i'll hug you and have a good cry. i know you would understand me
~a little rain does hurt
~i wish i had someone to talk to. even if it is a stranger
~friends: pls call me for coffy. drugs. and mass orgies. im tired and i hate myself. thanks


[headmusic]: faithfully by journey
[thought]: where are you when i need you most?

Saturday, August 05, 2006 . 11:08 PM

im pretty tired.
plan to stop bistro offically an help out with the moving soon
*sighz i haven't packed! oh no ... so gonna die

and as for tutoring i decided to let tution continue while it can

either way i still have work cut out for me tomorrow
3hr tution for miss shantini. im trying to read her books. kill me. and after that i have the bistro..probably for the last time. i feel a little sad.

i always feel sad when something is gone. i can't help it. im sentimental believe it or not. even if its shitty work like the darn bistro.

CK smsed me today
she smsed: wanna go "better fuck me" ? grace and siti is going
i was like ????!!!!!what in hell was that ? i thought it was some porn place or something like that

then i realised: BUTTER FACTORY!
oh man -_-" such lingo seriously tends to escape me

no im not going.
im good.
im home. mr tang asked me what in hell am i doing on a saturday night at home. trust me. i really don't care. i really have no life. i really just rotting :)

[headmusic]: someday i'll be a saturday night by bon jovi
[thoughts]: super mega earlier happy birthday girl!

things that scare you on the 7th month:
was walking crystal this wednesday.
the usual route. the night was clam. kinda rainy look and the streets were clear.not bad a walk i say.

so we walked to the usual dead end and turned around.
suddenly i saw this old lady:
hunched backed holding a walking stick in the hand, hair all bunned up. kinda remind me of the hunch back of notre dame. i was nice. i kept my peace and simply walked toward her on the opposite side heading towards home.

funny thing was..
the usually friendly crystal looked at her and stared and stopped walking
"crystal nooo..! don't bother the lady!" i thought she was going to charge at her

the old woman stopped dead in her track and stared at crystal.

crystal ran to my left side aways from the woman and started walking away very quickly.

i never saw a woman stare so hard at crystal before.
i never saw crystal stare and stop in her tracks after seeing anyone that abruptly.

i told myself keep walking.
"crystal its not nice to distarb the lady okie? lets go"

crystal made tracks ...
so did i. i don't know why .. i quickly stuffled past the old woman and her walking stick.
only when i walked past i quicken my pace.

only then i heard the "shhff .. stfff" sound of her walking stick behind me ..
then only when i heard it suddenly the silence scared me, i hurried even faster.

at the top of the hill i was so so tempted to turn around.
i didn't .
i didn't want to know.
i think crystal neither. she ran home.

trust me. i really really don't want to know.
ps: i never ever in 20 years staying in goldhill saw that woman before. to think i thought i saw everyone ..

regards to today
went for tution where that silly girl mabel fell fast asleep and i was sorta locked out of her house. shouted for her like mad then went downstairs and sat with the maids till she rang me back. yups completed tution then headed to yio chu kang for work. no not for chantel. its been awhile i freelanced so i did help out this club for their anniversary. didnt really want to but felt bad if i rejected.

got home ard 1am.
oh i was given free durians. how funny. just one packet thought. very nice! ate some just now but shall give the rest to my mum of something. kinda tired...

maybe cause yester went ktv with mr neoy !
sang like mad. shouted a few songs. met him for dinner after dance and we went to sing till 4 am.i remember the last time i went ktv..feels so distant suddenly. doesn't matter anymore does it?

i realised listening to song like :
feng by jay chou, kiss you goodnight by wang li hom, shan hu hai by jay chou makes me sad even thought im at a ktv . horrid. stupid me. this is an old feeling. i forgot to thrash it

i am sad really i am
i wish i wasn't
i forgot how not to be

[headmusic]: somebody by depche mode
[thoughts]: i remember once telling you how i could not find a good reason to stay here.

Thursday, August 03, 2006 . 1:51 AM

in the end i had not only an escort but and entourage of people going to party with me

i felt lousy when i stepped in the club because i glanced and saw carol
my natural compulsion to hi was cut short when i thought back how she was one of those people who spend her time defaming me. so i kept my hellos to myself. i wasn't THAT thickskinned.

pei's good buddy lit was my "social escort" for the night
the night went by buying apple and lexx drinks, chatting with ck, (and the bistro crew cause i ran into them at the club.ps: matthew dances rather sexily! omg.. haa) attempting to find girls for lit, attempting to dance to shitty songs, attempting to smile and be happy. everyone was yucky. i discovered that lit has weird taste in girls. but i think everyone really weren't that hot to begin with. -shrugs- lit agrees and i just wish her luck with her KL-ish mode with cherie.better cherie then the rest. trust me.

that crazy girl just came back from KL and the next day went into malaysia to get dougnuts for cherie yet is trying to act like she doesn't care! funny girl. but i thought what she did was sweet. damn .. why doesnt anyone do that for me ?

anyway, after the party went to ann's place with apple and lexx
attempted mahjong but during the first round the phone rang .

i had list of 13 ways i have screwed up thrown at my face
they hurt alot. i wish i knew how not to feel hurt. maybe that's why i hate to argue. i just wanted NOT to feel THAT way agian.. like im sinking.. perphaps dying

the next day
i had a phone call. i was actually scared.
then the words i hardly ever hear, "im sorry"
it was the last thing i thought i'd ever hear.
i knew it cost her alot. it meant alot hearing it too.so im closing the matter on that subject.

at night talked to my mum about cars, housing, holiday trips
she gave me some direction about how things are going to go.for me, im glad i can finally settle everything. i feel like my life is moving on. strange cause i still feel like im in bits and pieces. just like my house. well.. "new" house. its a rental. i feel my emotions have been rented out. im just borrowing the space. does that even make sense?

hmmmmmmmmm... i think the word is detached.
yes. i feel detached.

[thoughts]: happy birthday

Tuesday, August 01, 2006 . 1:13 PM

omg!

just had a chat with my mum.
i have super duper news!

~she is sponsoring me and my sis a driving licence
~she is buying a new car
~we may offically BUY a house at uppper bukit timah
~she is then buying a car for me and my sis!!!!!!! (obviously when we pass)

omg omg omg !
i am overjoyed today!

[thoughts]: you lost faith, but i want you to know this: i didn't