Monday, October 02, 2006 . 4:15 PM
to whoever that reads,i just read the whole chunk of posts on the cbox. obviously i wrote the past 3 entries without checking the box first.
i could have been smart and simply delete and form of weakness and how i really feel now so that certain people will not gloat but yeah, it doesn't really matter anyway. i knowingly allow you these simply pleasures such as scoffing at me and my misery. fine.
to the pair typing these posts:
the way you type and the way you phrase your words. saddly it gives you away. i realise that. and yeah i think i do know you. and yes, we did talk, i just think that if you consider simple replies as knowing a person you really need to change you point of view.
either way, thank you both for supporting pei.
i think its good she has friends. friends who will defend and support her even when all they have are half-baked ideas and one-sided points of view to go on. they still support her. thats what friends do.
you call me some martyr of my own creation
in short you realise i dig my own grave and sit in it.
i want to say now that it is EXCATELY poeple like YOU that is why i can never remove this stigma. even when i want to start anew. i want another life. i want a change. it is people like you that make sincere changes that difficult.
i did make a resolution. myself . for me.
things which i even talked about with pei.i wonder if she would even remember. but yeah, somehow we have never fully understand everything about each other but i think she understands what i want to change. how i want to live my life. what i hope for a new start. people like you keep everything i want far away.
you snicker at my sincerity
you despise my emotion pain.
but it is NOT for you i write all this here. online and floating free for all to see.
i didn't write all these for YOU to judge me or give me comments or advice.
i wrote this simply cause i do not write diaries. so i type. not very well. i have no huge vocab which i can show off, nor a word bank to crush you with. i type here cause this is my own chart. MY outlet. not to seek sympathy. nothing at all
i am without agenda
not all is typed here cause one never can type every little thing. shouldn't everyone know this little bit of truth / reality by now?
i had to write this because i really am not as horrid as you think
because i need you know i don't need you to love or even like me.
but i guess just to say, whatever that's in your head, whatever lousy assumptions you have of me. hey, if you cut me i do bleed. i not trying to be some bleeding heart on my blog but hey, this blog is MINE is it not?
i despise my own weakness when i read it. thats why its a blog. and floats online. known to me and just my friends. which i seriously doubt you are one of them. and although i come across as insensitive and emotionless in person. the blog makes me look pathetic. trust me i would have deleted it except for the shallow reason that
1. i like this blog address
2.i wanna keep it for rememberance
so yeah. this blog is not to sell this idea to all that i am upset. don't read it if the language and content irks you. it irks me that i can allow myself to feel this way at times. i need to shutdown. i am THAT tired. truly.
last of all cause of all these strange reactions from people over my break up from my long time relationship this blog is getting more publicised. i don't know from where or how. and who is the source. just to say i am tired of you.
i want announce how i want to change.
i need no people like you who carry my past and seek to haunt me and drag me down. i need no advertisement, encouragement, sympathy, nor people stabbing my in the dark.
keep your life.
read on
go ahead.
by keep your cynical comments to yourself.
someday karma will get you and when it rains for you, no one will offer the umbrella .
yours sincerely
me
[thoughts]: this is my letter to the world who never wrote me back. (at times like these i rather you didn't. thanks)
