Thursday, August 03, 2006 . 1:51 AM
in the end i had not only an escort but and entourage of people going to party with mei felt lousy when i stepped in the club because i glanced and saw carol
my natural compulsion to hi was cut short when i thought back how she was one of those people who spend her time defaming me. so i kept my hellos to myself. i wasn't THAT thickskinned.
pei's good buddy lit was my "social escort" for the night
the night went by buying apple and lexx drinks, chatting with ck, (and the bistro crew cause i ran into them at the club.ps: matthew dances rather sexily! omg.. haa) attempting to find girls for lit, attempting to dance to shitty songs, attempting to smile and be happy. everyone was yucky. i discovered that lit has weird taste in girls. but i think everyone really weren't that hot to begin with. -shrugs- lit agrees and i just wish her luck with her KL-ish mode with cherie.better cherie then the rest. trust me.
that crazy girl just came back from KL and the next day went into malaysia to get dougnuts for cherie yet is trying to act like she doesn't care! funny girl. but i thought what she did was sweet. damn .. why doesnt anyone do that for me ?
anyway, after the party went to ann's place with apple and lexx
attempted mahjong but during the first round the phone rang .
i had list of 13 ways i have screwed up thrown at my face
they hurt alot. i wish i knew how not to feel hurt. maybe that's why i hate to argue. i just wanted NOT to feel THAT way agian.. like im sinking.. perphaps dying
the next day
i had a phone call. i was actually scared.
then the words i hardly ever hear, "im sorry"
it was the last thing i thought i'd ever hear.
i knew it cost her alot. it meant alot hearing it too.so im closing the matter on that subject.
at night talked to my mum about cars, housing, holiday trips
she gave me some direction about how things are going to go.for me, im glad i can finally settle everything. i feel like my life is moving on. strange cause i still feel like im in bits and pieces. just like my house. well.. "new" house. its a rental. i feel my emotions have been rented out. im just borrowing the space. does that even make sense?
hmmmmmmmmm... i think the word is detached.
yes. i feel detached.
[thoughts]: happy birthday
