Friday, March 24, 2006 . 11:47 AM
we are in constant stages of disintegrationK.A:"so when is our peak period?"
mari claimed hers was now.
k.a says hers was yet to come
i said mine was way past and i was suffering mental death
told her i think we were always in constant transition, perphaps from one stage of disintegration to another.the only thing that mattered was at which stage do we then finally throw in the white towel, lie down and die.
how about YOU?
you never know do you when you do finally die
too many deaths a day: mental, phyiscal, spiritual, emotional need i go on?
doesnt matter really
sadistically, i keep thinking to myself i have gone past any stage.
perphaps im giving myself too much credit, and overrating my abilities to die.and worse, die so many deaths. i would like to simply shrug that idea off.the assumption that i can't or haven't i mean. too tired when i have to keep questioning myself if i am right. let me assume i am. i feel better this way. you don't have to agree with my assumption though, its just a thought.
let you think of me as a prick
an egotistic intelligent biatch.
easier then believing that i truly am just
smart
mad
and
dead
hey Life!
throw me a bone
throw something to live for and send it my way
but ..
the thing is: it is painful when i am not dead.
but alive
fully
perphaps i really don't want to really live too
does that mean the only way a person like me can wake up and breathe is to stay grudgingly in limbo?
neither dead nor fully alive? suffering both conditions and never belong to any one side fully
but u see i get to stay alive
its my compromise
i never understood this about myself
so let me go
::A picture taken yesterday slowly starts to fade away. There's got to be an answer There's no use being afraid to see what my life was meant to be. Take me so much higher. And do you see the danger? It's creeping up behind 'Cause you're turning me inside out, you're breaking all these promises we made. Maybe time will make it right. 'Cause you're turning me inside out, it's taken all my strength and will to stay.
[headmusic]:sorry by jay chou
