Thursday, September 20, 2007 . 4:50 PM
Do Not Stand at My Grave and WeepDo not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
- Mary Frye
sitting in the NIE library now. typing away.
was just checking out facebook! something NEW that leo sent so i joined. i had always been those slow people who catch on to internet trends rather slowly. ppl kept talking about facebook so i finally got myself on one.
school has been hectic recently. the work load is all piling up as the year progresses to its end. been quite tired lately. plus the day before i had a dizzy spell. think i don't sleep enough.
next week extra work scheme:
monday: qed presentations
thurs: poetry package due
-redo geog package
-micro teaching tone
sounds little. but every package consist of a multitude of lessons / concept mapping/ activities/ schemes of work and the breakdowns for them. tiring.
ravi gave me a lift today, tuty was unable to as her classes changed again.
so i met him at boon keng as usual i was a little late. but he always manages to get to sch on time without breaking a sweat even though he had 30 mins to get there! tuty on the other takes an hour and we always feel stressed trying to beat the clock. wonder is there a difference between men and women drivers? or is it sheer dumb luck ravi gets there fast all the time with time to spare. amaz-ing i tell you.
ravi was typically condemning the work load and i just laughed. i asked him to the NUS thing tomorrow. didn't know who to ask, although i did ask leo first. plus ravi was always highly entertaining as he was cynical. a perfect combi for me. vinod organised this "frat gathering" at YIH and invited me.can't imagine who is going. i'll probably ring shyam later. if anyone reading this wants to go lemme know k.
FRAT PARTY@YIH NUS
Date: 21/9/07
admission: $11
free flow drinks from 10-11pm
how he got booze i have no idea. ask him not me.
im just tired from sch. classes later till 730. ain't meeting anyone so i'll roll home and watch MONK. been asking my mum to borrow them from video ez. still remembered the times when i watched them in aussie. still like the show so i saw no reason why not to continue watching anyway.
i need a holiday!
get myself far from this hell and the work load.
[HEADMUSIC]: only one by lifehouse
Tuesday, September 18, 2007 . 12:23 AM
I feel that people are disappointments waiting to be discovered. I try to be patient. So I shut my eyes.the other day you held a bottle of vodka and started talking to me about shi wei, dan, clara and so on. you remembered how i did not want to hear this anymore. but hey, i still am. and i nodded sympathically.
you bull-headedly gave me a list of 5 things you thought about me:
1. that i am made up of a combo of 4 people
2. that i listened
3. you trusted me
4. that i brighten up your day
5. that i can keep you entertain with my nonsense
i gave a list of 2 things i thought of myself :
1. that your using me as a vase
2. that im mad and unpredictable
i started wondering how small a self esteem i have.
i was speechless and didnt know how to explain to you how nobody would believe your list of 5 things could ever be applied to me. i think im bitter. i think people made me want not to be good. yet you look at me and say i am. i didnt know to be touched, feel humoured and bs-ed to, or what. i blame my skeptism on everyone else. i blame myself for making me this way.
i tried believing i've changed.
every little thing i did wrong before i made such a huge effort never to be that way again. perphaps at this point i am perfect. i corrected all things i ever did wrong before. but then no one would believe this. maybe now you . you tell me you believe me. and im so glad. hearing it made me want to cry. but of course i did not.
i guess i am writing this post just to remember the day that someone finally thought i was good.
that i was trustworthy
that i was worth trying for
that i was worth being there for
that i was worth the time
i think just hearing that meant alot to me.
i want to thank you for telling me all this although you were semi smashed. i am glad you did. im happy you have such a nice picture of me in your mind. although i wished you knew how horrid i was before and how much it took for me to change. how many people i lost and hurt along the way to get this way now.
so i want to thank my past. you made me this way.
Thursday, September 13, 2007 . 12:36 AM
Labels: i love my mac
perphaps your righti do want you around just to hear what i say then i shut down.perphaps i never did hear a damn thing you ever said to me. ever. the times i said i was, i was not paying attention. and then i said something about ME again. and you got tired cause you knew all i wanted to hear was my own self talking.
damn .
miss s.li told me how egocentric and bimbotic i was today
it bugged me alot
it disturbed me alot maybe because she said all that without malics, without ill-intent, without any attempt at anger, without holding any grudge, without caring if i was her friends for the next ten thousand years or not. without a REASON.she just said it cause i asked her a question. and it affected me and put me in a state of trance the whole day. i realised today how much i valued my friend's opinion till today. some opinions are hard won. i think this judgement was passed non contested.
her alter ego told me the same thing when i asked her opinion. except in the yelling tone she always used.
i watched as she simmered n her seat and tried not to blow up agreeing "' yes !!! you see!!! you care only about yourself! "
it didnt help that today i read a note from jon written way back
telling me how i only cared to hear about myself.one ear in, the other ear out.
all these make me think back on how shitty you must have felt going out with me then. it seems so so long ago. but counting the days i realise it wasn't really. ... now i lament on the days flown by. they seem long and aplenty.how on earth did you tahan me? and where are you now ? i bet your reading this laughing behind your damn computer.
[HEADMUSIC]: around the world by daft punk
Sunday, September 09, 2007 . 3:16 PM
finally found the guts to ring that number ..i got a tired voice saying "hello" on the other end.
i felt like i got the wind knocked out of me from that moment on. it was like i forgot what i meant to say. i kept reminding myself to sound estatic and joyous when i wasn't. i was tired, crampish and slightly pmsish. i just wanted to talk. a chat. a friend.
i could not get that.
i had a 4mins and 53 seconds conversation.
my home phone times my conversations ... thats why i know.
why can't i find a friend when i need one.
why in hell not i ask myself at times.
why can't i get that elusive fucking damn cup of coffy ?
why in hell do you do this to me ?
why isit when it doesn't rain but pours
and friends are best around for drinks and nothing else?
i bet you're laughing at me
secretly
NOTE : nothing upsetting did happen really.
i just woke up.
i just wanted a friend to talk to. not the usuals. but i guess i miss talking to you. maybe especially since you use to talk at a speed of 300000000000000 words per minute and we keep having to figure out who goes first. i feel depressed. disillusioned. dead.
surely this is a way to kill me.
i think i should get the hint.
maybe i'll catch fire
ps: an apple a day keeps the doctor away. veggies too. go grab some.
[HEADMUSIC]:heartfixer by de-phazz
Wednesday, September 05, 2007 . 5:44 PM
at home using the mac ...i think my mum should suscribe to wireless. the connection at home is driving me nuts.
today i had lunch sum beehoon thing with jon and jacq
i noticed this book " The Naughtiest Girl Agian" i was shocked that jacq read such books. hahah i still remember reading them donkey years back. the book was rather nice. think i read like 4 times? starting to wonder what happened to my copy ..hmmmmmm...
okie back to ICT.
list of things to do ..
1. ICT ASSIGNMENT
2. READINGS
3. POST UP ED PSY FOR THE GUYS
4. GEOG CONCEPT MAP
5. START ON POEMS ASSIGNMENT
TMD ... i hate sch ,,,
tomorrow im heading to the chan sui lan children's home ..
urgh bz bz bz
