Friday, August 31, 2007 . 1:12 AM
to think i had been counting down the days but forgot at the last minute.i think school is making me older than i thought i would wind up.
it was important to you but i messed up. how silly of me.
for that i feel guilty and sorry.
sorry babe i was too caught up with school and forgot what date, what time, and who i was ,and wound up being prissy and demanding on ya to help me with my last minute presentation. i owe ya one.
actually i owe you two. but thats another story.
this is for you then though i know you don't read this:
you asked me before if i loved you and how much. just like the song, i choked on my reply. i guess i was never really good at words. so this poem will have to do it.
YOU are my North, my South, my East and West;
My working week and my sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song,
I thought that love would last forever: i was wrong
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy now. i have ICT homework which is a real bitch. shall go sleep. nites world.
ps: i finally have a laptop of my own! wheee!!
[HEADMUSIC]: lost in space by lighthouse family
Sunday, August 19, 2007 . 11:02 PM
sitting at leo's place.rainy day good for lazing. thank god for HBO and star movies. date movie is on.
made a ranch dressing salad with loads of salmon.yum.
we spent the day debating about mr dragonboat and what consistutes a player.
WHAT MAKES A PLAYER?
firstly we were trying to figure out what is a player and who plays. unfortunately we stumbled as the more we chatted the more it seemed so hard to define what is playing the field.
questions that arose:
1. if you truly cared about the people you dated does that make you a player when you leave them?
2. if you held hands, did intimate stuff is that called a relationship when nothing is defined verbally?
3. if you keep changing people you hold hands with, yet all agree for a non-committed status does that mean you are a player?
but i figure you have to be either: eloquent as ice, ugly but smart, good looking and easy, or evil in disguise to pull anything off.
my debate with her lasted one heated hour. too many questions. i have no idea what is a player really. neither does leo. so i would like to appeal to all who do know how to answer this send me a clue. c-box me
in the meanwhile, i'll drink my red wine and be content.
[HEADMUSIC]: upside down by sick cycle carousel
[thoughts]: sunshine, murphy, monday
Friday, August 17, 2007 . 8:47 PM
apologies for the last entry. song was by nickleback. titled somedayi had a shitty day
so im currently awaiting a called from mr UK blocked shyam cus we are suppose to go on some hot date *rolls eyes. im in a foul mood. i need a pal and drinks. only that dumbo can make me smile. so im quite lucky he was free today.
im tired
just for once can i not be so so damn right about you
i wish rocky's words weren't true. i wish you did not lie to me. i wish you had the guts and balls to tell me straight but instead you lied outright to my face. rocky told me i had to find out for myself. and now ,in my brain i am rolling over ideas how to kill myself instead of you. strange and yeah, i hate myself for that too. more than you.
i can't pick up the phone now cause im afraid of the words that will come out from my wretched mouth. shall i condemn what scum you are for playing someone else? shall i blame you for that lie you told me just to hold my hand? shall i rip your name apart from my mind and erase you from my bed? so i shant ring you, because your name is still there. please stop dialling my number. please stop wracking my mind though i know you can't help it. its me and my own fault.
so here i am.
back to the same old die hard habit: drinking
its been so long yet you did not die. and between you and me i guess someone must .
men really are the lowest of all mammals.
i wish they'd all burn in hell.
[HEADMUSIC]: one last breath by creed
Monday, August 13, 2007 . 12:55 AM
its been awhile since i last wrote anything on this blog.its been awhile since i last wrote anything at all.
nor have i spoken
a word
since
then.
i had an attack the other night
went timbre with mmv and then headed to the pub.timbre was happening. first time i ever went cause i never saw a good enough reason to. so i swung by as i heard nak was playing. mmv and nak chatted while i ordered a well deserved beer. was asking mmv how to pickup people. the stupid ass didnt wanna share trade secrets. urgh
did you know: on a friday/saturday night queueing at timbre take at least 30-45mins in the stupid warm weather? so i learnt.
anyway, then we headed to the pub and had beer and finish the damn bottle of chivas which was left there since how long ago when i was with leo.
i had another fit agian. and now im paying for it. i feel so tired. i feel guilty i shocked and scared mmv but i can't remember a damn thing.as usual the feedback was i was crying. i didnt bother to explain and im glad mmv didnt ask me why. perphaps its better this way..
to teddy lim:
i am sorrier then you think.
i have no words
i lost them all
though at one point in my life you wrote all the words i ever needed for me.
i remember them fully.
i remember the original apology.
thats all i can say
anymore.
you have said all there ever is to say between us.
you made your choice.
[HEADMUSIC]: blind by lifehouse
