Saturday, June 30, 2007 . 3:47 PM
so for the millionth time she took her leaveand for the millionth time she came back
for the trillionth time she bounced out of your life and
and for the one time she never did come back
i heard you said hey
hey
and you said hey to all your friends
this what i what should have done in the first place
[HEADMUSIC]: goodbye my lover by damien rice
Friday, June 29, 2007 . 7:49 PM
::SIGNAL FIRE::The perfect words never crossed my mind
'Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I've wanted just sped right past me
But I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out
There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close 'cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don't wanna wait forever
No, I don't wanna wait forever
In the confusion and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eye
There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close 'cause I need you to guide me to safety
There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close 'cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don't wanna wait forever
No, I don't wanna wait forever
No, I don't wanna wait forever when there is no reason to stay u leave
i think that's fair assessment of any situation.
im tired. don't you just hate it when the world thinks their right at the same time when u do? obviously someone's got to lose. this is what i tend to call a lose-lose situation. and worse, personally i hate hate hate being told i am wrong, im awful, i suck. but then agian,doesn't everybody.
i heard i was the worst of the worse.
i didn't know how many worse people out there could be, i could acquire the title "worst of the worse". i am classified as WORST.not worsER. but worst. and i scratch my head at time wondering if i truly am all that mightly bad in the first place.
and yesssshhhh .. obviously it hurts
it hurts for many reason:
a)that u truly care about the person who actually had the cheek to call u a mean piece of shit
b)it truly matters what the person thinks
c)u feel indignant and innocent. super wrongly accused
d)the statement is a lie.there are WORSER people then u.obviously.
and i hate getting mad
i hate getting even even more
and i hate getting sad MOST.
i feel unappreciated
everyday asking the same thing and waiting till there is a time you are free. when ur done with ur friends. when the gathering is done. when i am able to show face. when work has come to a stand. when u decide to have strenght to move to find me.. all this sounds disturbingly vaguely firmilar and im tired of the same tune.plus i get attitude from you. actually im tired of everything. so im making a stand : i shall stop living for u and start living for me.
so as usual my defensive mechanism kicked in and i turned from dr jeckell to mr hyde and i became my usual: bitchy, mean, rash, high strung, irritated, tired, and exibiting all signs of the i hate u back syndrome.
and now i am tired. was asked to party at china one and zouk.
but i have no mood. i have no mood. i have no plans. and i am irritated. great. what a way to start the long weekend. thats why like i said. when there is no reason. don't go. and don't be there. so im not.
sometimes people need reasons. they want to feel special ..
..they need to ..
if not ..
there isn't anything left really ..
is there?
[HEADMUSIC]: all good things come to an end by nelly furtado
[THOUGHTS]:don't pick up something you're going to leave
Thursday, June 28, 2007 . 3:25 PM
went home under the blistering sun,was wearing this knitted cardigen and i was dying to take it off but can't so i was rushing home. sweating like a mad pig.
at the bus stop i saw and old lady with a thousand wrinkles.i was worried and i think she saw my concerned looked. she automatically told me she was going home and she is taking a cabby. i offered to get a cab for her. so there i was standing under then damn sun again flagging a cab. told the lady to sit in the shade. crazy sun is such a killer. waved by to the lady and waited for another bus and got myself home.
walking by the park i saw to shitzus running around and nearly got hit by a car!
they are so so short it was impossible to see. rushed to the dogs then suddenly a police car came by and asked if they were mine. i said they weren't. the police wanted to take them to the SPCA. i offered to look for their owner. ... so there i was agian . swaeting buckets patrolling my neighbour hood with the two fat lost dogs.
amazing i didn't expire on the spot due to the heat ..
found the house and asked the owners' neighbour if they were home.
they told me the dogs were always thrown out of the house to roam and no one even bothered about them. they told me the onwers were irresponisble and should not keep dogs.
obviously in my heart i totally agreed.
instead i rang the bell and chilled the maid for letting the dogs run loose and told her how the police nearly took them. she heard me... but i seriously wonder if she understood me at all ..
finally crashed myself home. and threw off the cardigen as a reward to myself for my deeds. so tired!
all i can say is may all bad dog owners burn in hell
[HEADMUSIC]: thanks for the memories by fallout boy
[THOUGHTS]: the value of insignificant others
Wednesday, June 27, 2007 . 5:14 PM
a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mum!sadly she and the rest of the family went to bintan without me cause i have school to attend. just got home and its kinda late. we had contact time. *raise eyebrows.. yeshhhh yeshhhh .. CONTACT TIME.
quite tired but i promised to meet the girls: leo, marie, mariah
hmmmmmmmmmm.. think i shall wear my purple dress
they say purple is like a despo color
yeah im deperate for sleep. i look crap and gaining weight agian. this is so JGC all over again. oh noooo ................... must control myself from munching...hmmm..
shall go now. ta all
Sunday, June 24, 2007 . 12:16 PM
TPP was quite a rush:a mental challenge to stay wide wake as Mr foo explained different teaching concepts/ideas with TR28. he was a nice guy. i liked him so i tried my best to pay attention all the way. heading home i wanted to just die. felt like a terrible headache to stay awake for so long.
i met new friends in school.
everyone is really really very nice. i was glad that i wasn't the only one freaking out. not being the only one made me feel slightly better.
i think i might have found my "new best friend" in school
a nut called shyam. who provides me laughs and is helping me to get to hall3. i can't imagine how he is planning to do this. but if i don't get in and i stay in the other halls i still have to wait for the super slow 199. so either hall3 or 16 sounds good.
keeping my fringers crossed for tomorrow.
already im changing my friendster names.. blogger name and settings so the kids can't track me down. i feel like some undercover agent. how weird.
okie peeps wish me all the best
Tuesday, June 19, 2007 . 4:34 PM
RECONISE THIS SCHOOL LOGO?
well ... i've be posted there.
see you in class.
Friday, June 15, 2007 . 11:34 PM
JLC= joy luck clubseriously cant remember the story and i keep having to refresh my memory before i head off for tution. sighs now trying to download some notes... i feel like a tired panda
note to self: TCC is freaking cold. next time bring a sweater!
[HEADMUSIC]: not the doctor by alanis morisette
[THOUGHTS]: cross between a fry and a fart
Friday, June 08, 2007 . 3:17 PM
WED LADIES NIGHT @DOUBLE O:
(mosaic of shot taken that night.check out my mickey mouse shirt.ha. o god suddenly the pic made me look darn skinny...i need food minus drinks)watched 200 pound beauty yesterday
quite a nice show. good thing that my mum bought a mini pile of dvds which includes, shrek 3 , 300, the messengers shows like that recently something to help me while time away.
sat car 74 today for the 30000000000 millionth time
started pondering if its a sign. an omnious sign. 74 = "qu si" / go die. minus the omnious sign i realise that if all the lessons go smoothly maybe by next week then TP. panic stricken thinking about it. but since i've been doing so meagre amounts of thinking lately perphaps some panic and grief is good. perphaps.i should start opening my little blue book and study. think its collecting dust on my table.
been meeting quite a lot of mariah lately. i think she keep my feet on the ground and me from going under. not sure if i'll be meeting her later. gotta stay home as a new dog is coming in. male GR. I bet crystal would go mad agian. at least she'll have a play mate when im gone. the silly dog is licking her nose pink! lousy habit of digging the sand from the garden getting soil all over her face and nose and then she start licking it off. i think in no time she will look like rudolf the red nose reindeer-_-"
tomorrow im leaving.
[HEADMUSIC]: running away by hoobastank
[THOUGHTS]: let it burn... i got the girls singing to it in the cab. we sounded sad and happy. i wished we were drunk. and then we were. and now i can't stand drinks. urgh.
quite a nice show. good thing that my mum bought a mini pile of dvds which includes, shrek 3 , 300, the messengers shows like that recently something to help me while time away.
sat car 74 today for the 30000000000 millionth time
started pondering if its a sign. an omnious sign. 74 = "qu si" / go die. minus the omnious sign i realise that if all the lessons go smoothly maybe by next week then TP. panic stricken thinking about it. but since i've been doing so meagre amounts of thinking lately perphaps some panic and grief is good. perphaps.i should start opening my little blue book and study. think its collecting dust on my table.
been meeting quite a lot of mariah lately. i think she keep my feet on the ground and me from going under. not sure if i'll be meeting her later. gotta stay home as a new dog is coming in. male GR. I bet crystal would go mad agian. at least she'll have a play mate when im gone. the silly dog is licking her nose pink! lousy habit of digging the sand from the garden getting soil all over her face and nose and then she start licking it off. i think in no time she will look like rudolf the red nose reindeer-_-"
tomorrow im leaving.
[HEADMUSIC]: running away by hoobastank
[THOUGHTS]: let it burn... i got the girls singing to it in the cab. we sounded sad and happy. i wished we were drunk. and then we were. and now i can't stand drinks. urgh.
Monday, June 04, 2007 . 11:20 PM
that i could not be there for you at this momentthat i shouted more times then i needed too
that i hit you when you did
that i had not enough patience to wait it out
that i tried to stay but changed my mind
that i was not "the one" when you said i was
that i kept turning back making you feel worse
for everything i am sorry
yd
everything goes back to negative one.
[extended version]:
met mariah and dani yesterday. we went to ICB then headed down to acid
had dinner with mariah and as usual she has always been one who manages to put everything in perspective for me. i see her as my "voice of reason" when i lost all ability in that area.
i told her about my outing with alisha and shawn.
about crystal being shanghai-ed into alisha's house by shawn's request.
about leo and shu big confrontation with shawn in french connection.
i also told her about how unreasonable and what a mess i've been lately.
she gave me alot of hell with regards to the confrontation. and for the first time she went all silent while i spoke about me. i think im not a liberty to say alot of things. with regards to my friends who would see too much details as too much invasion of their personal space and reputation. with regards to me i just can't aren't things bad enough?
i think mariah's silence really hit me
it said alot.
what i didn't tell her was my 72 hours-and-counting headache
i didn't tell her too that i think the headache was my misery manifested.
woah would she rail at me then , then i'll never here the end of it. and so i didnt say.
ICB was so-so . dani said she ought to have a VIP card from them by now.
i think very soon, i too will get a platinum no, titanium card. we sat down and played blackjack. then the girls migrated to acid. entered acid when i saw someone waving at me. suddenly i realised it was kenny from sch!its a bit jaring whenever i see him without his glasses. so un-kenny. we chatted. he said something funny. went back to the girls and i soon left.
i learnt one thing that night: i really am useless at deciphering accounts.
tonight is ladies night.
the girls and me are heading out. i need a drink. even a tiny one is most welcome. i realised i have not been partying/chilling so much in such a daily stretch in a long long while. everyday seems to have a minimum requirement of a drop of alchohol. i feel sick. i think the beer is the only thing keeping my weight up.
leo is on her way over ..
think now she has a new job: forcing me and shu to eat food=) jia you girl
::I'M STILL HERE ::
I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else I'll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive
The cities grow the rivers flow
Where you are I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
I'm still here
You've seen the ashes in my heart
You smile the widest when I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I try to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be
Maybe tonight it's gonna be alright I will get better
Maybe today it's gonna be okay I will remember
I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered
And I wanted you to come and make me whole
Then I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
You just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive
The lights go out the bridges burn
Once you go you can't return
But I'm still here
Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to run away
But I'm still here
I'm still here
[HEADMUSIC]: signal fire by snow patrol
[THOUGHTS]: just when i needed you most
[HEADMUSIC]: i'm not okay by my chemical romance
[THOUGHTS]: whatever it is just bring on the drinks
Saturday, June 02, 2007 . 2:25 PM
went to ice cold beer then rouge yesterdaysat down at ice cold and there was some semi drunk ang moh guy who kept playing with my hp and even sat on my mariah's friend's lap! i was like huhhh ? what the hell.
trooped into rouge with mariah and her two friend. danni and erm... whoever
ran into a member of hall6 while i was hiding in a corner. was wondering who was the nut waving at me then i saw him.he told me the rest were visiting yx in june heading down to aussie land and said i ought to go. funny . in my mind i thought he was a little mad. but yeah i do want to take a trip down to aussie land soon. maybe next year ? year end i shall think about my hawaii trip first.hee. till then.see who wants to go.
ying and the gf showed up. miss alikilim came by with her 2 scandelous collegues
was pretty bored otherwise as the night wore on. yakked abit. rouge was super rnb-ish. but i was kinda tired. angry that a plan was cancelled. went home and crashed
i heard from leo sometime back mariah was planning like a partying schedule for me till i have to go into hall. oh no ... seriously cant imagine how i'd survive. im pretty tired now. things like these make me feel old..
okie dokie shall get ready for tution now. think im gonna be super duper late.
oh no .. where are my books!! **panic...
