Saturday, December 30, 2006 . 3:34 PM
::CROW'S FALL::When Crow was white he decided the sun was too white.
He decided it glared much too whitely.
He decided to attack it and defeat it.
He got his strength up flush and in full glitter.
He clawed and fluffed his rage up.
He aimed his beak direct at the sun's centre.
He laughed himself to the centre of himself
And attacked.
At his battle cry trees grew suddenly old,
Shadows flattened.
But the sun brightened—
It brightened, and Crow returned charred black.
He opened his mouth but what came out was charred black.
"Up there," he managed,
"Where white is black and black is white, I won."
::LOVESONG::(my personal fav)
He loved her and she loved him
His kisses sucked out her whole past and future or tried to
He had no other appetite
She bit him she gnawed him she sucked
She wanted him complete inside her
Safe and Sure forever and ever
Their little cries fluttered into the curtains
Her eyes wanted nothing to get away
Her looks nailed down his hands his wrists his elbows
He gripped her hard so that life
Should not drag her from that moment
He wanted all future to cease
He wanted to topple with his arms round her
Or everlasting or whatever there was
Her embrace was an immense press
To print him into her bones
His smiles were the garrets of a fairy place
Where the real world would never come
Her smiles were spider bites
So he would lie still till she felt hungry
His word were occupying armies
Her laughs were an assasin's attempts
His looks were bullets daggers of revenge
Her glances were ghosts in the corner with horrible secrets
His whispers were whips and jackboots
Her kisses were lawyers steadily writing
His caresses were the last hooks of a castaway
Her love-tricks were the grinding of locks
And their deep cries crawled over the floors
Like an animal dragging a great trap
His promises were the surgeon's gag
Her promises took the top off his skull
She would get a brooch made of it
His vows pulled out all her sinews
He showed her how to make a love-knot
At the back of her secret drawer
Their screams stuck in the wall
Their heads fell apart into sleep like the two halves
Of a lopped melon, but love is hard to stop
In their entwined sleep they exchanged arms and legs
In their dreams their brains took each other hostage
In the morning they wore each other's face
Friday, December 22, 2006 . 11:47 AM
been reading up alot on Sylvia Plath onlinethink it's a bit of a ritual nowadays that at work im on both the PEAK and some poetry website. strange balm for the soul but i guess it works. i feel better already
Here is a collection of suggested poems: (http://www.angelfire.com/tn/plath)
~Mad Girl's Love Song
~Lament
~Dialogue between Ghost and Preist
~Daddy
~The Other Two
~Monologue at 3am
Here is one of the poems:
::Monologue at 3 AM:: by Sylvia Plath
Better that every fiber crack
and fury make head,
blood drenching vivid couch, carpet, floor
and the snake-figured almanac vouching you are
a million green counties from here,
than to sit mute,
twitching so
under prickling stars,
with stare, with curse blackening the time
goodbyes were said, trains let go,
and I, great magnanimous fool, thus wrenched from
my one kingdom.
think the poem is rather apt. the words make me recall the past and fear the future. i feel bit lost reading it. lost cause i know excately what it means and how it feels being "wrenched from my one kingdom". i think i get it .
past few days have been going rather poorly. actually i think BADLY is a better word.the rain brought with it the eecky rush hours/ the mad last min pile of people in suffocating town/it brought hell hall games/the flu so the party was still packed but some went mia/boredom aand super restlessness/mad tv moving atmospheres/lousy tempers/and me being a little edgy everyday.
sudden thought: marie told me about the new harry potter book title
harry potter and the deathly hallows
doesn't really sound promising but yeah i want the book anyway when its out.
xmas eve came and went
today is xmas.
im not too sure how i feel about that. about this day. about this time. about everyone around me. about the xmas spirit. about the parties, about the ktv sessions, about presents, about logs cakes and xmas turkey, about giving and receieving. all of the above and beyond
i think i almost hate xmas
everywhere everyone seems to have someone. its a sinking feeling i get when im around and even at the family dinner everyone is paired off except me. did not know how to feel about that either. i think because of you i've forgotten how to deal with much things well anymore. so now i hate the hustle and bustle and i choose to stay home. i declined the party with my sis and the smu gang. i declined the ktv which rocky asked me to. i stayed home and rot.
>>all those words took me a few weeks to type.
today is 29/12/06
3rd last day of 2006.
perphaps im secretly doing a countdown in my head. perphaps i just work too much so now i actually keep track of the days that matter. those that don't i forget all over again.maybe.
so many things happened lately that i couldn't keep track of it all.
i remember watching the carol singers bombarding town. everyday trying to walk through the wisma stretch was super duper trying it got worse with the xmas rush and the RAIN. i remember weird things. like i saw one of those carol singers wearing an angel costume scratching his butt in town. i remember how the rain soaked my jeans up to my knees and how gross it felt. i remember running through the rain with you. and now i rather not remember anymore cause i feel old all over again simply typing all this.
so i shall stop.
too many bad things all piling up ending this horrid year
i pray the 2007 is much better. im glad the year is ending. no plans as yet how it shall be celebrated. maybe i shall dig myself out of the hole i created for myself.marie my now rather good friend and bitching pal at JGC and i are still trying to figure out our new year resolutions. i think its scarey cause everytime i try and be resolved about certain issues i take a few steps forward only to fall back. at least i know im not alone. so does marie.
so am i allowed to make resolutions like :
thou shalt not fall back into thy old self misery ?
i have forgotten my independence that i found in melb
i have forgotten what's it like to be just me
i have forgotten school and how it feels
i have forgotten to feel young
but of all things i have forgotten
you're not on that list
i think the way i have styled myself is destroying the present me more then i am willing to admit
so i guess its only online i want to confess
and now without anyone present and nobody cares i want to ask you to forgive me of my crime for not being there. for all the times i was not around to pick you up. for being like ice when you were talking to me. for walking away everytime i had gotten so mad.for being drunk on too many occassions. and for hurting you through and through
and when that phone call comes
i have re-constructed myself all over agian
[Thoughts]: oh by the way, i forgot to say i hate you
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 . 2:09 PM
currently waiting at the budget terminalits first time im here. kinda amazed that they have quite a few shops
meet up with leo, shu and jows
after much fumbling with our luggages we managed to squeeze our way into the departure hall. feel kinda excited that finally taking a REAL holiday. no work involved(erm.. but yeah im dragging some work doc. along to browse) basically breaking the monotone of the past few weeks that i've been back in sg. im glad.
heading out to thailand. something that i wanted to do for a while now. dying to eat thai food and shop like mad. i'll probably crawl back fatter then before. oh no ..
the girls are all hyped up too. brought bags in their luggages all prepared to buy the entire thailand up. ha . i hope all goes well. tonight's plan is to head to the salome night market.leo and shu needs heels. i'll be the tag along. i really just want to relax and break from work.
although im leaving i would like to say
i wish that you were here
Sunday, December 03, 2006 . 8:37 PM
in goldhill i had mr nikk lim
in tai hwan i have my new neighbor(above )
lazy sunday. havent eaten at all. sigh.
hungry you have been the only thing that's been right in our life time
and now i cannot make it
so i falter
and even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you
i can hardly speak anymore
and i understand why you cannot raise your voice to say
those words which i want so much
you don't have time for love
but i just want to find out if you still remember me
and as we say our long goodbyes
even if it was for a few days
i wish i could make up for all that's left
[thoughts]:light up
