Sunday, January 29, 2006 . 1:14 AM
[open fire]when i look back and remember
how you would used to write about me
i remember being touched
because those words were yours and for me and mine alone
where are they now?
now that those words have fled you and fled me?
whos lips have those honey-poisioned words flown too?
there must be some awful mistake
a gross mistake somewhere that your words have disappeared and
you have lost that voice and the hand to write
i rather it was me who has lost the brain to think
i wish i did not know
but somewhere out there tonight those words slurred off some stranger's tongue
and i have to say it now-
those words were mine
written way back last year. adding to the collection just for browsing
one for the fire
NOTICE TO READERS: by the way i do not know why it does not appear on the main but i want to give a shout out to anyone who is interested in sharing works, poetry and prose -pls tag me. thankx
so every year we are all gathered here to witness the passing of the chinese new year
tiresome, tideous and necessary.
for my reunion we gathered at my aunt's.(dad's side for once after donkey long years)
and my mom did screwed up a grand enterance by driving us to the wrong location at poole road around tanjong katong instead of the one at bedok.
me and my sis laughed it up and laughed it off to make her feel better i guess. tension before seeing the relatives always did that.we we drove and finally dragged our roasted duck out of the car and into the house.
upon enterance, sheepishly we apologised for being late (as usual) and all started the usual feast.
i was swamp by relatives wishing happy new year and seeing my cousins after so long. i missed them like i missed pills.
in short, i didnt know wherthe they were good or bad for my health.
everyone was gushing about trips hoildays and school
noticed a gaggle of aunts talking about ferragamo and prada goods
saw another gang of cousin in laws gossiping about the latest
as for me
both me and debi(my fav cousin) stressed about our last sems in nus were discussing what would we do. chatted about the usual girlie stuff like: hair, clothes, make up,school lecturers and stress
the night wore on
channel flipping and munching went on the rest of the night. think i drank 4 tiny glasses of red wine and 4 moscato.too bored and falling asleep all through out. extremity at its best, my cousin joe was fast asleep on the floor, tired by partying, the fever and his hongkong photoshoot.
even barley the dog was soon snoozing.
at home my sis k.o-ed herself on her bed
as for me i decided to be good and study.
tomorrow all hell breaks loose visiting.major sigh
here's to a new (chinese)year
and me being good-
finally.
Friday, January 27, 2006 . 2:47 AM
[reanactment of jelousy]was walking the longest yard and was blocked by this aged couple walking 1 km/hour in front of me.highly irritated and getting to the point to "pek-chekness" i slowed down naturally, and watched as this pint size lady with iron grey hair slowly walked erm well.. crawled her way towards this elderly old guy. in that same 0.1km/hour rate i watched her slowly take his hand. both ambled on.
i watched
such "longevity"
...i would like that kind of longevity too.something that last and stretches for that long till i get old and turn to ash iron grey too.
perphaps when we get old and older we should all pray for such a time and comfort in our lives
to find someone to hold your hand or push your wheelchair
i would.
i walked away then
still turning back every now and then to watch the old couple getting smaller and fade to the distance.
i didn't know how i felt then not able to achieve anything close
i went home later on and started this frantic search for the greys amongst my own hair.
i managed to find just one.
frustrated i took another "stroll" to the toliet and flushed that evil strand of grey.
i comfort myself now with warm water and a glimmer of hope-
that perphaps by looking younger i see no need to wish for longevity
Sunday, January 22, 2006 . 2:04 AM
:From the fain:I had a breathe which got caught
Somewhere betweens the flower pots and the frying pans
Something I held wrapped in paper but everyone knew
It would escape
I had a thought I remembered I lost
Between twisted sheets which we all shared with you
With oil and grim even I could not wash off with my mind
I tried to defunct myself instead
I found an onion I took for a white rose
And realized that it would never prick me so I flew it too the moon
That was when I started suspecting my eyes for being blind
How could the beautiful not prick?
I found back the breathe I forgot to take
Put it in my bag to remember
I was blind and tripped on a rose
And the beautiful escaped
this is me tapping into the 19th century works
wordsworth,hopkins and the lot.
strangely i felt it with the play of words.
it was painful to unload but i think i got it down to precision.
note the capitals.
i tried hard on this one
zoning out soon..nites
[headmusic]: dephazz and "how" by lisa loeb i want to start of my present postings with some of my past
bear with me for they are first draft editions
only product of my former self was finally edited and sent for inspections to the judges.
not i want to say
only that they liked it
a.l.o.t :)
edited version of course
::product of my former self::
dust and ash
nothing but dust and ash
that is all we truly were
u said you thought you knew
i said i thought i did not
dust and ash
that is all
i tried sitting back
changing to another point of view
another side of me
another side of you
and all i saw was black
trying to fly
when all i could do was run
spreading invisible wings to the boundless skies
but all i could feel was the ground
you said you tried
i said i cried
so u did
so i did
and i fell back down
into an oblivion-
where there was nothing
no me
no you
and the nights ran long
and the days were grey
and i sat there by my former self-
talking about the days gone by
and how i use to cry
and how you said you tried
and how there i died
::lucious::
lucid
askewed in this time warp
tossing in an empty bed filled with hot air
i had dreams signifying nothing
darkness
complete and whole
twisted nightmares choking me
sleep was tear stained
i reached for the dying sun
out of my bed into the light
dishelved and tumbled down
and laid grounded
shattered
pain drawing on its last breath
i could hear a feather fall from a crow
just like the rushing of blood onto the floor
and i thought i saw
that flash which was called memory
of you sitting in the sun
walking away
and i ran
chasing after the sun
i was chasing after you
but you were gone
it was there i let go
very unsatisfactory
...i think deluded and confused should have been its title..
awful.i wince re-reading
::almost::
imagined you stopped
breathing
to watch the days fall off the calendar
i stopped
counting the days
so i could breathe too
truer words never spoken
tea and sympathy please
and yes i've noted my lack of punctuation, bad grammer and poor spelling
no capitals rare fullstops-
casually note
highly disregarded
here,
i get to be me.
