Thursday, July 20, 2006 . 4:37 AM
i spend my days waiting to hear from youi cant remember how work went today
it past me by just like that
i went to zouk after work
ben came for some interview at the bistro. kinda tired. feet pinched and didnt wear socks with the lousy shoes. great. so now i have 3 huge blisters and i am very very tired
leo is worried.
when she saw me after work she kept saying i keep shutting down on her.
the fact was i just didnt know how to keep a constant smile. but i did. smile i mean. CK was being lame and i didnt laugh. but i stopped. i thought if i continued the laughter would turn bitter, then i'd have to choke back my words and run from the table.
didnt eat.
cant remember when i really did. think the nick name "tum jiak" given by CK can be scraped. sitting at the table after work to eat the usual supper, for once i didnt eat. CK raised her eyebrows. oh and a new entry to the supper gang, at work there was the new girl. her name is dewi. and yes , matthew has a nack of choosing super cute girls. and yes she is ultra sweet. keep hearing the kitchen staff talking about her non stop. -shrugs- my feet pinched. what do i care
i went to zouk.
stayed at members and join the bitching gang: a combi of ultra bitchy sg girls and melbourners
all me and my sis friends. squeezed in with the help of joe thank god for him.
through the whole night i had 3 hugs from joe
1 hugs from miss ollie
1 hug from shu
1 huge hug from leo
1 hand squeeze from my sis
all telling me to quit looking so scarey.
think my sis is worried.
no one knows what happened. and sincerely i don't really think i know too. how can i start telling anyone when i can lost myself. i keep biting my own tongue. i get those worried looks. then i smile.
i keep spending my time searching the sea of people, looking for your face..
i keep looking though i know you won't be there..
and i felt deaden, cause if you were i didnt know how to react.
i sit,
i bite my tongue
i let you rattle on to everyone
i shall not stop you
nor will i change anything
nor will i defend myself
does it matter anymore ?
i keep remembering all the things we said long before.
i knew you would survive.
i knew too -
i wouldn't.
silly me.
[headmusic]:summer rain by belinda carlise
[thought]: i need a friend. before i just crack up and die
ps: you really are a fucking bastard. you have always been telling everyone that. i just never believed it. now i do.
